“When I was a little kid, my father took me to see an uncle in the hospital in Mexico. My uncle had gotten into an argument with his dad, my grandfather. It was over money he gave to a woman. I think he wanted to marry her. The family didn’t want that.

“My grandfather was so upset. He told him, ‘You’re not a real man. A real man would have kept that money and told that woman off.’ They had several guns in the house. My uncle took one out and said, ‘You want to see a man? A real man?’ And he put the gun to his head and shot himself. He didn’t die, but they couldn’t remove the bullet. It stayed lodged in there.

“After that, his personality changed. He would do things like hit the wall with his hands until they bled. People tried to calm him down. But it wasn’t until they got the right medications that he became more relaxed. This all happened in his 20s. He lived into his late 60s.

“One day, I told an older brother that I sure missed going to the family property in Mexico. Every summer they would take us there, and I had the best times. He just looked at me and said, ‘Brother, you don’t know what you’re talking about. What’s a beautiful memory for you was a nightmare for me.’ I learned that the uncle who shot himself used to physically beat my brother. A lot.

“Most of us are dark-skinned. My brother was the only one born in our family who was real light-skinned. They put ideas into my father’s head that he wasn’t his son. In Spanish they call it el hijo del Sancho, like the son of another man. Subconsciously, I guess, the family disliked my brother because of that.

“Years later, that same uncle went with the family to Galveston. They were having a cookout when he decided to go swimming. They were supposed to keep an eye on him to make sure he was OK. But somehow, they forgot.

“When they asked for him, somebody saw him swimming away into the ocean. My brother was one of the people who swam way out there. He was able to grab my uncle by the hair, and he started pulling him back to shore. So after all that had taken place, he was the one to save his life.”

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“I grew up in a household where I never saw affection. Well, I saw it from one individual, the female, but not from the male. He was always too macho.

“It was a physically abusive environment. Not toward me, but the female. When I saw the abuse, it made me sad. You hear about kids stepping in, and the person stops. Or sometimes they get smacked around, too. I was too afraid to do anything. I only got hit once. But that’s all it took to wise up.

“As I got older, I got into a lot of fights. I was really wild in my teens. I was mischievous, or maybe just foolish.

“When I was 22, I met the woman who would become my wife. We started going out, and I fell in love with her. I told her I was going to make her fall in love with me. And I accomplished that. We were together for almost 20 years, married for 12. We had two kids together.

“I married her because I cared for her and loved her. But it never felt quite right inside. It was great in the beginning. But I had so much stuff bottled up from my past that I began pushing her away.

“Growing up, I didn’t see people in my family going to therapy or marriage counseling. I had a lot of confusion about how a man should treat a woman, and how to be in a relationship.

“After she left me, after our divorce, I was really sad. She found someone else and remarried. I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love again. I did, but it didn’t work out.

“Before we got married, my ex-wife and I took a class through the Catholic church. One thing the priest said was, ‘Don’t let the sun set on your anger.’ But a lot of times while we were married, I would go to bed angry. It was aimed toward my wife, but it wasn’t her fault. It was the different things I experienced growing up that were coming through. I regret my actions, and I’ve apologized to her.

“When I was a kid, I had this vision. It was of an old man, and he looked real sad. I thought that was going to be me in the future, all alone, never married, never having kids. I ended up doing both those things. And I love my kids. While it may not all have turned out as perfect as I wanted, it’s still something.”

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“I got my CNA [certified nursing assistant] license and started working at an all-boys CPS [Child Protective Services] facility. I went in there with a good mental state a year ago. I thought I could handle it and make a difference. But it didn’t work out.

“These kids who had been abused began abusing me. They would hit on us, punch us, bite us, spit on us. I kind of just dealt with it for a while. When our facility was hit with COVID, I had to stay there with everyone. That was a lot to handle. The kids didn’t understand why we weren’t moving anywhere, like not going to school. So they did everything possible to abuse us as caretakers.

“After a 14-year-old hit me, I called the cops. But they didn’t do anything. There was no parenting and no consequences for these kids. That’s when I was like, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.

“Now I work for a health care provider, taking care of the elderly who can’t do things on their own. I go to their houses and help with things like baths, preparing food, and making sure they take their medicine.

“It can be challenging in some cases. I took care of a lady in hospice who just passed the other day. She was 91. She told me that her life fulfillment was complete. She had no regrets. She was ready for God to take her. Being that a lot of people are afraid of death, I thought that was so interesting. Because I was her care provider, I’m going to her funeral.

“I also work with military veterans and others who have seen a lot and experienced so much in life. I think I can learn some life lessons from them that will help me as an adult. Plus, it just feels nice to help them. When I enter my car after being at someone’s home, it feels like I really accomplished something important.”

— James Rodgers

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“It’s kind of hard to say. What happened to me when I was a little kid, when I was 7 … I got molested by my neighbors. Ever since, it sparked a fear of men.

“Growing up, when your parents are strict — not mean, but strict — you think, oh, I must have done something bad. So you don’t want to say anything or tell anybody. And you don’t. You just go on thinking, what did I do wrong? Why did that happen? Why was that necessary? Who’s someone safe to talk to and who isn’t? It took a long time for me to finally realize that it wasn’t my fault. Sadly, it took me until very recently.

“And it doesn’t matter how safe you feel you are, because it happened to me again. You try to be safe. You try to be careful. You calculate and you calculate. But when that moment happens, you’re at a loss. All this stuff that you wrote down in your mind goes out your ear, rolls down your shoulder and onto the floor. And you’re just kind of stuck.

“I think it’s important to mention what happened. I think it’s good for people to talk about this issue, to bring more awareness to it. Because a lot of times, this kind of assault is by family members, relatives. I have friends who had that happen to them by uncles and cousins. Parents need to realize that sometimes even your own family could be dangerous.

“More people need to believe their daughters and their sons when they speak up. Believe them when they say it’s their uncle. Believe them when they say it’s their neighbor who always comes out and talks to their father with this big smile and everything. Please take care of your daughters and your sons. Keep an eye on everybody. And always ask when your child is angry or too sad. Because I grew up sad.”

— Andrea Alvarado

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“I’ve gone through some stuff people shouldn’t have to go through. I was abused for six years by my uncle and my cousins. The hardest thing about it was that I didn’t understand why I was the one getting hurt. Like why did they choose to hurt me?

“But I believe it made me a stronger person. If I hadn’t gone through those things, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be so strong. I wouldn’t be so supportive and loyal and caring of other people. I’d be like a normal teenager, stuck up, wanting the world like we deserve everything. That’s how a lot of teenagers are. They just haven’t had their eyes opened yet. They haven’t experienced something that kind of knocks them on their ass and tells them, hey, that’s not how the world works.

“Because of all the things I went through, I like to help people and support them when they’re going through tough times. I’ve realized that the smallest thing, like simple words of kindness, can mean so much. If you see someone in pain or struggling, ask them how you can help. Or better yet, don’t ask, just do it.

“I give out my number to friends who are going through tough things and I know are self-harming or thinking about suicide. I’ve been able to stop four friends from committing suicide. I guess I just have a knack for it.”

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The post She supports others going through tough times appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I’ve done a lot of volunteer work: homeless shelters, soup kitchens, all sorts of stuff. I worked with elderly people for a couple years. I’ve been involved with activities to assist kids. Just anything where I can help people.

“One day, I’d like to work as an undercover cop. Because of my experience of being abused, I’d probably go into the sexually based crimes unit. I want to be able to go in the field and help people who are going through those things that I went through.

“That’s what I’m good at. I understand it. I know what it’s like to feel scared, like you can’t tell anybody. And you worry that when you do tell someone, your life’s going to fall apart and people are going to judge you.

“The way I look at it, why go through your struggle and then not help other people through theirs?”

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“When I was in sixth grade, I helped a kid run away. He came to school, and you could see he was beaten from his hairline down to the top of his calves. It was horrible. I told him, ‘You’re not going home today.’

“He rode the bus home with me. I gave him my BB gun, and I told him to meet me in the barn. A little while later, I brought him some snack cakes.

“That night it was really cold outside. It froze. And he came knocking on my bedroom window, where me and my sister shared a room. I gave him some more clothes, some sweatshirts, and told him to go get in the barn and cover up with hay. I told him that when we left for school in the morning, nobody would be in the house so he should come in through my bedroom window, watch TV, take a bath, and eat what he wants.

“I was so scared. I couldn’t sleep that night. I knew I was in so much trouble, and I was afraid of what was going to happen to him.

“The next day at school, of course, the principal pulled me out of the classroom and asked if I knew where he was. I was going to keep saying no until he said, ‘Well, your sister already said something, and the whole bus saw him get off at your house. Where’s this kid?’

“I finally told him that he’s in the woods by my house. But I made them promise that they wouldn’t make him go home again. So I brought him in, and he lived in foster care after that.

“Years later I ran into the guy again. By then he had a couple of kids, and he was welding. He told me some of the hard stories of what happened in foster care. Then I got to thinking. If the parents had just treated that kid right, he wouldn’t have had to go through all of that. But how do you know?

“That’s why today when I look at some of these kids on the school bus, you just don’t know what they’re going through at home. If they’re acting up, you don’t always know why. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. There are consequences for their actions. But I try to show them there’s also unconditional love out there.”

— Theresa Cain

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The post Kids on her school bus get benefit of the doubt appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and experienced many different types of abuse through my childhood. I became a teenage bride and mom, only to have the abuse continue.

“After a particularly bad incident I wound up in the hospital and was told by the staff, ‘You make who you are. You give up that power when you allow someone else to identify who that who is. Today you can get on your feet and say, I am somebody. I will define who that person is.’

“I took that to heart. I left my home state of Georgia to come to Texas and start my life over, with me in charge. I went back to school, then on to college while working three jobs and raising my son by myself. It was tough, to say the least, but I made it happen.”

— Christy Graves

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“Something that we’re facing a lot is dating violence or unhealthy relationships. Some of the girls aren’t necessarily being physically abused, but there’s a lot of emotional abuse. Their boyfriends are talking ugly to them or being very controlling, like constantly checking their phone or not letting them do this or that.

“Many of these girls are being told by others, well, just leave. But it’s not that simple, especially when some of them have children. It’s much more complicated for a 17- or 18-year-old who has a 1-year-old child to just pick up and leave.

“So I provide a safe space, what’s called holding space, to mostly just be with the students and listen, ask questions and kind of guide them in finding the right answers.

“So often, people in their lives are telling them what to do. But it’s hard to figure out what you really want to do and should do when you never have the space to process it and figure it out on your own.

“That’s one of the most important things for anyone looking for change, whether leaving a bad relationship or even when it comes to drug addiction or alcohol addiction. You have to want that change for yourself. It has to come from within you, not from somebody telling you what to do, how to do it or where to go.

“Whenever you finally do see those kids who have gone on to be successful and they come back and tell you, I have my life together and I’m moving forward, it is a bright, shining moment. You have to really hold onto that, because not every kid gets to that point.”

— Rachel Barajas Flinn

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The post Social worker provides ‘safe space’ for teen girls appeared first on The Baytown Project.