“My husband and I used to work in the refineries, and we made two decent paychecks. But they didn’t last for anything. We struggled buying diapers and formula. So it started with asking people to donate things like that for moms and dads and grandparents taking care of young kids. Now it’s grown to all sorts of food items and necessities. And the response has been great. The community is showing they really care. Whatever goes in the box belongs to whoever grabs it, whoever needs it. A lady across the street says it helps her every single day to feed her kids and have diapers for them. That’s what it’s all about. It’s made an impression on my kids, too. They get excited seeing people drop off stuff, and they have a better appreciation for those needing help.

“There are times when we all just sit down and cry. We really miss our little girl. But through this whole experience, I feel like we’ve gotten so much closer to God. I hope nobody else has to go through what we’ve gone through. I hope I bear all the burden and all the hurt and all the sorrow and all the grief for any other mother. Maybe this is not the testimony that I wanted, but I feel like this is going to help somebody else later on down the road.”

— Roxanna Castillo

The Alicia’s Blessings box is located at 1003 E. James in Baytown. It’s available 24/7 for drop-offs and pickups.

Roxanna also wants to highlight the importance of water safety for young children. A great resource is Teresa Rising, who we featured in a story several years ago. She’s a certified master instructor with Infant Swimming Resource’s Self-Rescue program.

The post Blessing box: ‘Her story doesn’t end here’ appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I think people sometimes imagine what it would be like to get a cancer diagnosis. I always imagined I would be really upset, and break down and cry. The most upsetting part was talking to my children. But with the actual diagnosis and the prospect of chemotherapy, I just felt determined to do what the doctors and my family advised. I sort of surrendered control of the situation to them.”

The dull ache in her stomach was colon cancer. Following surgery, she completed six months of chemotherapy. Because it was a Lynch syndrome cancer that increased her odds of developing ovarian or endometrial (uterus) cancers, a total hysterectomy was next. Unfortunately, her intestine was nicked during that surgery, which led to sepsis. A followup repair procedure, combined with antibiotics, finally resolved that life-threatening issue.

But her cancer journey wasn’t complete, as another slow-growing tumor was found in her abdomen. Doctors opted for a recently approved immunotherapy, which ultimately did the trick.

“It’s been three years since I stopped the immunotherapy. No one who has ever demonstrated a complete response like me has had a recurrence. It’s rare to hear about people with stage 4 who actually survive. So I’m still in a little bit of disbelief all the time. It hits me sometimes harder than others.

“For several years, I wasn’t worried about planning for retirement. I just didn’t think it was going to happen; you know, that I would get that far. It’s kind of like your life’s been given back to you.

“It’s hard to know how I would be different now, had all this not happened. What I really can speak to is the closeness of my family. My children are so close, and that wasn’t always the case. I think this whole experience really showed them the value of family and the power of family.

“The other thing is that you’re not as susceptible to getting upset over the small things in life: the day-to-day stresses and squabbles and disagreements. Things like that are now even more insignificant.”

— Laurie Adcox Haffelfinger

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The post Cancer experience draws family closer appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“The project is in 10 women’s prisons throughout the state. I’m part of a group of Baytown volunteers who serve two women’s facilities in Dayton. On the third Saturday of the month, we carpool up there with books and recording devices, and we assist mothers as they read a book they selected for their child. They write a little note in it before we mail it to the child’s caregiver, along with a URL to access the recording.

“What got me hooked is the simplicity of the project and how powerful it is. The kids get a book of their own, and they get to hear their mom’s voice. Some of these mothers don’t get family visits very often. Sending the books and letting those kids hear their mom’s voice often triggers the family to stay in communication.

“One month when we had a new group of moms participating, you could just feel the anger rolling off one young woman. We were like, why did she even sign up? But she stuck with us. As we wrapped up the project with them, we asked what they were going to take away from it. We got answers like, ‘I learned that my little girl likes books about trucks.’ Or, ‘I learned that my child reads at a higher level than I thought.’ Women will say, ‘I’m going to get a library card when I’m released, so that I can get books for my children.’ These are all great things, and they touch our hearts.

“When that one young mom raised her hand to share something, we were surprised she wanted to participate. She said, ‘It’s a beautiful Saturday morning out there. You ladies could be home having a barbecue with your family. You don’t have to be here. But you come here and do this for us and our children, without expecting anything in return. I didn’t know there were people like that in the world.’

“At a different setting, another mother said, ‘I learned that I don’t have to sell drugs to buy expensive clothes or tennis shoes for my kids. They just want to hear my voice.’

“We understand that we are not going to touch every mom who comes through the program. But if we can reach just one mother who then reaches her child, and that child develops a love of reading, the ripple effect is just like throwing a stone into a still pond. It has an amazing impact.”

— Rhonda Chandler

Rhonda has been involved in Women’s Storybook Project of Texas for about 15 years. You can register to volunteer through the website at www.storybookproject.org.

The post Reading connects incarcerated moms with kids appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“One of my duties at work was to create ID badges for all the employees. They had to be renewed on everyone’s birthday. When Juan came to see me, I made his ID and we flirted a little bit.

“Afterward, I jokingly said to my assistant, ‘Oh, my gosh. Tell him that I would rock his world.’ It was a ‘90s thing back then. I was really just joking. But she went and told him, and came back with his phone number.

“He and I talked five or six hours that night. We went out that Friday. Then after three weeks of going out, spending all that time together, he proposed. We made plans really quick. We got married three months later.

“It was pretty much a fairy tale marriage. Everybody would comment on how he’d walk into a room, and his face would light up to see me. They were like, ‘You could be a stranger in the room and know that you were his mate.’

“My husband was a total gentleman, too. I took care of the household. He did a lot of the outdoor stuff. He didn’t want me to do any yard work. I’d be like, ‘Let me help you with the weeds, then we can be finished sooner.’ And he’d say, ‘No, I don’t want you sweating. You go inside and sit pretty.’ People used to laugh about it. But that’s just the type of relationship we had for 20 years.”

Difficult decision

“My first pregnancy, I was having twins. At seven months, I got sick and had to go into the hospital. I spent about five days in labor. They were trying to stop it, but they couldn’t. So I had an emergency C-section. The boys were born premie. One was 3.4 pounds. The other was 4.6 pounds.

“The first born, Aaron, got sick a week later. His intestines weren’t fully developed. They were kind of perforated and causing problems. So they did surgery and took out a third of his colon, I guess with the hope of him having a normal life. It didn’t work.

“A week later, we had to make the decision to take him off life support. But the thing is, he continued to live another week after that. And that was brutal. When they asked us to make the decision, they didn’t expect him to live long. So during that week after, we questioned ourselves so much. Did we make the right choice?

“I revisit his grave from time to time. I went on Mother’s Day to clean his headstone.

“The other twin, Abel, will be 26 in July. You know how they say that twins have a special connection? Definitely, when he was younger, he would cry a lot. Even though he never really got to meet his brother, he would say that he missed him. Because it was this missing piece for him.

“He’s high-functioning autistic. He has Asperger’s. So he’s fully functional to a certain extent. I look at Abel daily, and can’t help but wonder what Aaron would have been like. What would he be interested in? What would his personality be like? It’s tough for me, no matter how much time passes.”

Another son, Chris, will be 22 in September.

No ordinary day

“Juan was a service technician for gas stations in the Houston area. He fixed the gas pumps, the price signs, the cash registers. Basically, all the electronics that needed attention.

“Our normal routine was to text each other around 10 a.m. Every couple hours, we would communicate. He would check on me, and see how my day was going. At noon, during my lunch hour, we’d have a phone conversation.

“Well, on this particular day, his speech started slurring. He said, ‘Something’s wrong.’ I could tell in his voice. Then he said, ‘I can’t see. I’m getting dizzy. I have ringing in my ears. I’m having trouble breathing. I don’t think I can drive.’ Just all these things.

“I told him to pull over and call 911. After a few minutes, I called him back. He hadn’t called 911. He was struggling to drive, and his speech had gotten worse. I couldn’t understand a word.

“So I called 911. I work in La Porte, and my call got routed to Deer Park Police. We were on a three-way, trying to figure out where he was so they could send help. They pinged his phone and got a general area. They dispatched police, fire, ambulance and even tow trucks to look for him. They circled for about an hour.

“Imagine your loved one dying, and you’re on the other end of the phone listening to him struggle. You’re desperately praying and reassuring him that they would find him.

“I finally thought about calling his supervisor. I forgot they used a tracker on their trucks, to see who’s closest for service calls. A few minutes after that, they found him.

“A police officer was the first to arrive. He grabbed his phone and said, ‘It appears your husband had a stroke. I’ll call you back after EMS gets here and assesses him.’

“When I learned what hospital they were taking him to, I told my boss, ‘I have to go. It looks like Juan had a stroke.’ While I was leaving, I called my church. I asked for prayers.”

Juan had a major hemorrhage in his brain stem. After many ups and downs in his recovery, he passed away about six weeks later on April 12, 2015, at age 44. It was two weeks before his oldest son’s high school graduation.

Family still grieving

“I don’t like it when people say, ‘God doesn’t give you more than what you can handle.’ I’m like, OK, I guess I’m Wonder Woman then. I must be so powerful. It hasn’t been easy. I have good days. I have bad days.

“I try to make light of things every day. I laugh. After Juan passed away, I used a lot of widow humor. Some people didn’t like that. I guess it was just my way of coping.

“It’s been really hard with my kids. They lost their best friend, too. He was that dad who was there for them the whole time. To watch them struggle throughout that experience was very difficult.

“They were 18 and 14 when he died. I had to work a lot of hours, so they spent a lot of time alone. They missed out on a lot. But I didn’t have a choice. I had to work.

“We all needed each other’s comfort. Everyone goes through grieving at different times and in different ways. One can go through the anger phase, while the other may just want to hide away and not deal with anything. Seven years later, we’re still dealing with it.

“I was doing pretty well at five years out. But then my best friend of 40 years was a victim of domestic violence. She and her daughter were killed. That set me back again.

“About 10 months after Juan died, his brother told me something. While he was sick, Juan told him to make sure that I moved on. I kind of felt like he gave me his blessing. Not that I was looking for it at that time. But at least I knew it was a possibility, and that he was thinking ahead for me.

“I make fun of my singleness, my singlehood, just because people will say, ‘You’re a real good catch.’ That doesn’t mean anything. That doesn’t mean you’re going to find your soulmate again. Not saying that I won’t. I’ve dated. But I’ve learned that you never know what the future holds.

“My boys are great. They tell me, ‘Mom, we just want you to be happy. We don’t want another dad. We just want another best friend.’”

— Brenda Medina

The post She’s suffered her share of tragic losses appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“When I was 11, my aunt told me that the man I always thought was my dad was not my real dad. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe that a family could hold secrets like that from me.

“I went crazy. I remember screaming and yelling at my mom. I started getting more and more angry. It just kept building up inside me. I would get into fights at school. I was out of control. I was just so mad all the time.

“I was like that until I was about 22. The girl I was with at that time helped me. She kept me out of the suicide mind path that I was on. I tried hanging myself. I just got tired of life. I got tired of not getting the respect that I felt I deserved and the love from my mother that I needed.

“I’ve tried to find my biological dad. I know his name. But there are so many people out there with the same name. It got to the point where I was like, man, I don’t want to keep going through this. I don’t want to keep searching. To this day, I’ve never met him. I’m hoping that one day he might appear. One day he might show his face. Although I’m not really sure how I would react or what I would do. To me, my stepdad is my dad. He’s always going to be my dad, no matter what.

“And now I’m with someone I’ve known for 10 years. We’ve been together going on two years. She has two sons, and she’s an amazing mom. She tries her best for those boys.

“The oldest knows his dad, and he puts good effort into seeing him and being in his life. The youngest doesn’t know his dad. I tell him, hey, I know I’m not your real dad. But I’m here. If you want to look at me as your dad, I’ll try to be that for you. They both call me dad. It feels good. They’re not mine by blood. But in my eyes, they’re my sons.

“I might get mad sometimes if they’re being bad or they don’t listen. But I try to let them learn from their mistakes. I’ll say, look, I used to be just like this. So don’t do this. I want them to understand. Not just go through life, not knowing what’s right and what’s wrong.

“I’m glad I get to experience that. It’s not always pretty, not always perfect. But it’s good to be there for them. Be there and try.”

— Carlos “C-Los” Caldera Jr.

“I go by C-Los. I don’t like my name, Carlos. When someone calls me that, I’m like, where’s he at? Because it’s my biological dad’s name. If it’s true that he never put any effort into it, I don’t want to carry that name. It hurts me to have it. It makes me think every day like, who is he?”

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The post Not knowing his dad leads to anger issues appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I was born and raised in the Netherlands. When I was 20 years old, I wanted to go away for a year. But I also wanted to have some financial stability. So I decided to be a nanny for a Dutch family that lived in Houston.

“They were expats. They wanted someone who was talking Dutch to keep that up for their kids, because they were already speaking English to each other. So I took care of their three kids.

“I eventually met my husband, and we got married when I was 24. We lived in California for 5-6 years, and almost three years ago we moved to Baytown.

“The big difference living here, compared to living in the Netherlands, is that I grew up protected. Like, it’s safer there. I used to bike to school. We didn’t even have school buses. As my kids are growing up, that part I do miss. My sister says her kids just play outside all the time. I don’t feel that’s really possible to do here safely.

“I really miss the small, protective community aspect of the Netherlands. They say everything is bigger in Texas, and it is really true.”

— Annemarie Padilla

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• New moms need to take care of themselves first

The post She misses protective aspect of Netherlands appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I’m an introvert. I like my alone space. But you don’t have alone space anymore when you’re a mom. With two kids, that’s something I had to navigate. Especially with my first child. Two months after he was born, I developed postpartum depression. I got severe anxiety. Like leaving the house with him was a lot. Like he had to eat all the time. Everything felt overwhelming.

“I recognized what was happening. But I kind of didn’t want to deal with it. My mother-in-law asked my husband to talk to me. She saw that I was not OK. And he was like, ‘I notice you’re different. What’s going on?’ So I told him. And at that point I stopped breastfeeding, which helped. I didn’t have to be there every three hours. It gave me a little freedom. I also went on antidepressant medication for a while, which made things a little less dark.

“When I got pregnant with my daughter, my son was only 10 months old. And I was terrified. I ended up going to therapy. It helped, to know that how I was feeling was OK. That I’m not the only one who goes through it. Because there is a lot of postpartum depression with moms. We don’t really talk about it. For a lot of people, it’s hard to ask for help. I was in that position with my first child. But with my daughter, it ended up being a lot easier. Everything wasn’t new. I kind of knew what to do. And I joined MOMS Club. That was a big help. It pushed me to get out, to be around other people, to start conversations. It provided me with support. It helped me instantly.

“When we moved here from California, I didn’t know anyone. It’s always been hard for me to start friendships. But I knew if I wanted to build a life here, I needed to find other people to be around. That’s why I started a MOMS Club chapter. We’re all stay-at-home moms, or moms who work part-time. We meet up during the day. We go to the park. We have a monthly moms’ night out without kids. But most of all, it’s support. An adult to talk to during the day instead being alone with your kids.

“Now I feel like I’m better able to help other moms, especially those with younger kids. My advice to them is to take care of yourself. As long as you take care of yourself, you can take care of your kids.”

— Annemarie Padilla

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The post New moms need to take care of themselves first appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“My mom and dad had 11 kids. I’m the baby. I’m 38 years old. I’m single. I’m homosexual. And I’m the only one who doesn’t have any kids. Altogether, there are like 65 grandchildren.

“I fight a depression sometimes because I feel like I’m missing out on parenthood. I do have this freedom. But I’m also jealous because they have kids. It’s kind of weird.

“I love all my nieces and nephews. I’m even a great uncle. I have a great niece who is almost 20 years old. But I don’t have any biological children. That’s something that I want to kind of do before I turn 40. I’ve really been thinking about it, like having one naturally with a female. Or I could donate to a couple. But I really want my own.

“Either way, it’s going to hurt because my dad met all his grandchildren. And if I have a child, he wouldn’t be able to meet him or her. My dad passed away last year from the coronavirus. It was the day after my birthday. What’s crazy is my mom has a lot of heart and health problems. She caught the coronavirus and fought it off like within two weeks. But it killed my dad within 21 days.

“He was in the penitentiary for about 20 years of my life. He was out only two years before he passed. It was hard because we couldn’t wait for him to get out. When he finally did, we all celebrated with him. He was getting to enjoy life and do the dad thing again.

“My parents had separated when I was 12. All my brothers went with my dad, and the girls and I went with my mom. I was raised with the girls.

“When I was a child, my mom realized that I was gay. And she was like, it’s OK. I feel like she raised me as a female. She acted like I was a girl in a little boy’s body. She was like, if that’s how you feel, and if you want to wear dresses or whatever, then go ahead.

“I love that little woman. She’s always been my backbone. She taught me how to stay strong. I continue to draw my strength from her.”

— Martin Caldera

(Note: Martin Caldera passed away on Dec. 6, 2021.)

The post ‘I feel like I’m missing out on parenthood’ appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I worked for a while at the hospital as a CNA [certified nursing assistant]. When I had my youngest son, I started staying home. I was working 12-hour shifts. But I decided that him being successful was more important. I wanted to make sure he stayed on the right path throughout school. I wanted to keep him from drifting off into doing bad things. I felt as long as I was able to stay on him and keep him occupied, like playing sports, it would be better than some kid out there doing mischievous things and getting into trouble.

“I had just been through it with my older son. He had a few problems. He kind of stepped off into the wrong direction. He ended up doing a little time. But he’s changed his direction and his ways. He’s doing OK now. My daughter’s also doing well. She had her first baby, who’s 8 months old and very spoiled. I’m extremely proud of my kids.

“I went through some challenging times, overcoming drugs and being an addict. The turning point was when my best friend for years was murdered. It was a case of wrong place, wrong time. He was walking away from a situation, and they shot him four times. It was a life-changing moment. I figured that could easily have been me. I’ve been sober for five years now. It’s a struggle every day. My kids are what keep me going.

“My youngest son lives with his dad. He was in high school when we separated. Because I didn’t want to disturb his stability, I told him he should stay with his dad. He was pretty upset.

“But he’s a senior now. He’s a very smart kid. And he loves football. He’s played it all his life. He’s hoping to get a college scholarship. He’s got some scouts looking at him. He wants to be able to play on Saturdays. After that, he wants to play on Sundays in the NFL. He’s really motivated.

“While I’ve made some mistakes along the way, I’ve never regretted leaving that nursing job. If I didn’t, my son might not be in the position he’s in today.”

— Rachel Rayon

The post Mom intent on son being successful appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I just moved into an apartment. Just got a new car. Just got this dog. It all happened in one month. It’s exciting. It’s the next step, the next chapter for me.

“The dog was kind of a surprise. But I had been planning the apartment and the car. I’ve been saving up. It’s me and my girlfriend in the apartment, so we put our money together.

“I work at Walmart. I’ve been there for four years. Now I’m just waiting to transfer to the distribution center.

“One day we plan to have a family. My goal is to keep saving so that my kids don’t have to struggle, so they can have a future.

“I don’t like the fact that some people have to struggle in life. I wouldn’t want my family to go through that. So I keep working hard and keep saving.”

— Yannick Matthew

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The post He finds that saving money pays off appeared first on The Baytown Project.