“He’s 67. It started in 2018. He fell and hit the back of his head without telling anyone. He started getting lost while driving. We took him to a neurologist. The test indicated mild cognitive impairment. About two years later, he had advanced from mild to moderate. He was diagnosed with dementia with Lewy bodies.

“It’s in the beginning stages. He can still dress. He can eat. His humor is intact. The long-term memory is there, but short-term memory is not.

“He lives with me now. We’re not using the word caregiver anymore. The literature says that we’re care partners. It’s a less intrusive term for me. I mean, he’s my brother. That’s what siblings do. That’s what families do. We care for each other. It can be hard at times. But he’s not a burden.

“In a situation like this, you need a tribe, and we have that. His daughters are stepping up. My sisters are stepping up. They give me respite often. It gives me time to regroup. And I have a church family that carries me, too. I’m an elder at the church, and we care for each other. Sometimes I cry during the sermon because it really hits home.

“I know that I need to be kind to my brother. I need to show patience when he can’t think of a word, and try not to finish sentences for him. Or if he’s moody and says something sarcastic, it’s important not to take it personally.

“It’s not always a pretty picture. But my advice to anyone going through this with a loved one is to be intentional and treat that person with dignity and respect. The inexact science of this illness doesn’t assure anything. So while you have the time, while the memory is intact, make the most of it. Create new memories as you go through the journey together.”

— Natalia Guzman

(Note: Natalia Guzman’s brother, Jerry, passed away in November 2022.)

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“I’ve always had this dry sense of humor that she understood and appreciated. When we’d go to a restaurant and the waitress would come up, I’d say, ‘Can you please tell the other waitresses that I’m sorry, but I’m already married.’ And Denise would laugh. We used to laugh a lot.

“But things started to change about four years ago. She was always pretty sharp. Then I began noticing that in regular conversations, she was forgetting things more and more. One time she was crying, and I asked, ‘Honey, what’s the matter?’ She said, ‘I can’t remember my mom’s first name.’

“As things continued, we went to a doctor, who suggested we see a neurologist. That’s when she was diagnosed with early stage dementia. It’s progressed terribly worse from there.

“Her gait has really slowed. Going down stairs or the little ramp outside Walmart is a lot more challenging. She cries two or three times a day. Her delusions make her cry. It’s particularly difficult when it happens in the middle of the night, when she’s crying and angry. It’s really hard to understand how to calm someone out of that.

“Dementia is defintely a cruel thing. But every day, I try to get her moving a little. We try to walk. She loves music. So I’ll put on disco, rock or country, and get her to do exercises to it. It’s only temporary, but it’s something.

“As hard as it’s been for her, I definitely will get frustrated. It takes a lot out of you as a caregiver. It’s a very tough disease to navigate by yourself. So I’ve been in support groups that come on the computer. The other people may not be going through your exact situation. Their personalities may be different. Their strengths are different. But at least it makes you feel like you’re not alone in this.”

— Tim Reed

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“My mother is probably the strongest woman I know. I mean, she raised 11 children. So I knew something was going on when she or the neighbor would call me at work sometimes several times a day because she had locked herself out of the house again.

“I took her to the doctor, and they did a few exams. They told me that she had vascular dementia, and it was going to get progressively worse.

“It came to the point where we had to make a decision. We’re not a wealthy family, so putting her in a nursing home was not an option. I finally decided to quit working full-time so that I could stay with her.

“My aunts — my mom’s two sisters — lived just two doors down. A couple of years later, one of them broke her hip in a car accident. While she was in the rehabilitation center, the other sister came to live with me and mom. Two weeks later, that sister fell in the middle of the night and broke her hip. She went to the same rehab center, and the sisters were side by side. At that point we made a decision that when they were ready to leave, they would come home and live with me and mom. I’ve had all the Daisies for three years now.

“Since I’m the only sibling that isn’t married and has no children, for years I would take my mom and my two aunts when we would have family get-togethers. Everybody would ask, ‘Are you bringing mom and the aunts?’ And I would say, ‘Yes, I’m driving the Daisies.’ The name just kind of stuck.

“It can get challenging at times with all three. But it’s really not a decision at all. Culturally, it’s what we do. Your elders are very revered. You do what you have to do to take care of them. And they’re happy together. That’s all that really matters.”

— Raquel Gonzalez

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“I’ve always been in the medical field. I used to work in assisted living homes, helping elderly patients with Alzheimer’s and dementia. For the past nine years, I’ve worked with kids who have mild retardation and adults with autism.”

What’s the most important skill for that type of work?
“Patience. I didn’t used to have much patience. I had a very low tolerance level. I was a distant person, too. But working with people who have these kinds of challenges, you learn to be more patient. You learn to deal with people better. Honestly, I think it’s helped me more than I’ve helped them.”

— Tria Hodge

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The post She learned patience while caring for patients appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“Yeah, it’s been kind of tough at times. My wife and I have been through a lot. Obviously, having a kid in high school was pretty challenging. Later, while I was in the Marine Corps and stationed at Camp Pendleton in California, our house burned down.

“After I got out in 2013 we were both unemployed, and it was kind of rough for us trying to find jobs. So she said, you know what, I’ll just join the Army. It was for financial reasons, and then she realized that she loves her job. She’s a behavioral health specialist, working in mental health. She’s based out of Virginia and has our two kids while I’m here.

“Actually, I’m looking for work because I’m staying here for a while helping my grandpa. He has dementia, and besides me there’s really no family to help him. My father doesn’t want to help and my mom’s in jail.

“Anybody who has a family member with dementia knows how rough it can be. At times, I swear, it’s worse than dealing with a 2-year-old kid. But it’s something I really need to do.”

What keeps you going through all of this?
“My wife and kids. I’m thinking about them a lot.”

— Dale Walton

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