“My dad passed away in June. He was at home. It was just a few days after Father’s Day. He had been dealing with cancer for eight years. This time, it was the final K.O.

“It was also roughly a month before he was able to retire officially. In a sense, at least to me, that was adding insult to injury.

“It’s been hard, for my sisters and my mom especially. She told me that she’s cried herself to sleep. That’s how much it hurts. They were married 41 years.

“I’ve been looking for a job. The last place I worked was 7-Eleven. That guy let me go due to my being too slow. One day he just said, ‘OK, you’re off the schedule,’ and that was it. He didn’t bother to discuss things with me like, ‘Any way I can help you out with this?’ I’m still agitated about that.

“I’ve applied for other jobs since then. I’m just trying to stay positive and keep my spirits up by saying, ‘Everything will be OK. Just keep on trucking. You’re not the only one going through this.’ It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve just got to keep trying.”

— Kevin Alford, 38, who’s living life with autism

Related:

• Autism isn’t keeping him from enjoying life

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“My parents got divorced when I was about 4 years old. My dad moved to Northwest Houston, but I got to see him a lot. We’d do the weekend thing, and he came to all my games and events.

“When I got my first house, he’d come around all the time. Wanted to know if I was OK. I’m an only child, so my mom and dad always watched out for me.

“Over time, my dad’s health got really bad. He started having eye problems. They told him he had diabetes. He developed kidney issues, so he went on dialysis. We ended up moving in together, and got some help in taking care of him. His vision kept getting worse until he totally lost his sight. It was very frustrating because he was used to being independent.

“One thing he always enjoyed was traveling. Even after losing his sight, he’d want me to drop him off at the bus station downtown. I’d walk him in and make sure he got assistance. He’d go to Dallas. He’d go to Shreveport. He’d visit my cousins in Tyler. He loved being on the road and going to visit people.

“One Christmas about five years ago, I was thinking about something to do. My dad had always wanted to go to New York City. Southwest Airlines had a special, so I set it up. We went to the Statue of Liberty. We went to Times Square. And we went to hear Aretha Franklin at Radio City Music Hall. He was super surprised. It was a great all-around trip.

“The one trip I regret not taking with him was to Mount Rushmore. He wanted to go but I was working a lot then, and I told myself, ‘You’ve got time.’ But my dad died in July 2020.

“My mom is still alive and well. We have something called date night. We’ll go out to eat, or one of us will cook, or I’ll bring some food. We’ll watch a movie or TV show, then I’ll go home. Mom likes to tell people, ‘I get my son on Tuesdays. No matter what.’

“A lot of people wish they would have spent more time with their parents. After they’re gone, they regret not having changed their schedules to make it happen.

“I’ve kept one of my dad’s voicemails. He’s telling me, ‘Hey, I hope you had a great day.’ And that he loves me. I listen to it every once in a while. It’s nice to hear that voice. It helps keep his memory alive.”

— David Battise

David continues traveling on his own and with friends. “I’ve met a lot of cool people that I’m close with to this day, almost like family. Some people see all my trip photos on Facebook and say, ‘Hey, do you ever work? I want your job.’ I decided that life’s too short. You’re never sure when you’re going to leave this place. So if you want to go somewhere, you need to take the time to do it.”

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“When I was 11, my aunt told me that the man I always thought was my dad was not my real dad. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe that a family could hold secrets like that from me.

“I went crazy. I remember screaming and yelling at my mom. I started getting more and more angry. It just kept building up inside me. I would get into fights at school. I was out of control. I was just so mad all the time.

“I was like that until I was about 22. The girl I was with at that time helped me. She kept me out of the suicide mind path that I was on. I tried hanging myself. I just got tired of life. I got tired of not getting the respect that I felt I deserved and the love from my mother that I needed.

“I’ve tried to find my biological dad. I know his name. But there are so many people out there with the same name. It got to the point where I was like, man, I don’t want to keep going through this. I don’t want to keep searching. To this day, I’ve never met him. I’m hoping that one day he might appear. One day he might show his face. Although I’m not really sure how I would react or what I would do. To me, my stepdad is my dad. He’s always going to be my dad, no matter what.

“And now I’m with someone I’ve known for 10 years. We’ve been together going on two years. She has two sons, and she’s an amazing mom. She tries her best for those boys.

“The oldest knows his dad, and he puts good effort into seeing him and being in his life. The youngest doesn’t know his dad. I tell him, hey, I know I’m not your real dad. But I’m here. If you want to look at me as your dad, I’ll try to be that for you. They both call me dad. It feels good. They’re not mine by blood. But in my eyes, they’re my sons.

“I might get mad sometimes if they’re being bad or they don’t listen. But I try to let them learn from their mistakes. I’ll say, look, I used to be just like this. So don’t do this. I want them to understand. Not just go through life, not knowing what’s right and what’s wrong.

“I’m glad I get to experience that. It’s not always pretty, not always perfect. But it’s good to be there for them. Be there and try.”

— Carlos “C-Los” Caldera Jr.

“I go by C-Los. I don’t like my name, Carlos. When someone calls me that, I’m like, where’s he at? Because it’s my biological dad’s name. If it’s true that he never put any effort into it, I don’t want to carry that name. It hurts me to have it. It makes me think every day like, who is he?”

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• He expresses himself through his music

The post Not knowing his dad leads to anger issues appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“My first experiences with sexism were within my own family.

“I’m the only girl. I have five brothers. I had a Christian upbringing. I’m still a Christian. But my father would use the Bible to kind of diminish my voice. He would say, ‘In the Bible it says that women need to be silent.’ Like the woman is the more fragile being. So always kind of ingraining in me that submission in women and the dominance of man.

“Growing up, I also saw domestic violence at home. At an early age, I had to stand up to my dad and really say, ‘What you’re doing isn’t right. I don’t agree with it.’ I think that’s where our relationship stunted.

“As a 9-year-old kind of living in fear of your own father, it hits you hard. But I think it’s when I realized that I didn’t want to see my mom get hurt. So I couldn’t be quiet about it. This isn’t to say that I don’t love my father. I just think that for many years, I did resent him.

“The steps I took in my life to really excel in school and find opportunities for myself came from thinking about the life that we had with my dad. I didn’t want that life for my mom. I didn’t want my little brothers to think that was a normal way to treat women.

“I was always a curious kid. But when I started seeing those things at home, I really started to dive into school. That was my one safe space. That was where I could really prove that I was capable. That I am worthy of having my ideas heard. That I have a lot to offer.

“When I got a full academic and merit-leadership scholarship to college, my dad never said congratulations or anything. I think deep down, there was still that part of me that wanted to prove myself to him. That those things you said about my mom, or about me, or about women in general, they’re not true. Because look at what I’m doing. Look at the things I’m accomplishing.

“I think I did hold it against him, the way he saw me as the weaker one, the one that needed to be quiet, and not to take up too much space. And I was showing him, well, I’m going to do the opposite of that. I’m going to take up as much space as I need.”

— Azalia Sprecher

Azalia was in the first graduating class at IMPACT Early College High School, earning her high school diploma and associate’s degree from Lee College. She received a full scholarship from the Posse Foundation to attend Bryn Mawr College in suburban Philadelphia, and graduated in 2018. She is now a paralegal, and hopes to attend law school.

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“My mom and dad had 11 kids. I’m the baby. I’m 38 years old. I’m single. I’m homosexual. And I’m the only one who doesn’t have any kids. Altogether, there are like 65 grandchildren.

“I fight a depression sometimes because I feel like I’m missing out on parenthood. I do have this freedom. But I’m also jealous because they have kids. It’s kind of weird.

“I love all my nieces and nephews. I’m even a great uncle. I have a great niece who is almost 20 years old. But I don’t have any biological children. That’s something that I want to kind of do before I turn 40. I’ve really been thinking about it, like having one naturally with a female. Or I could donate to a couple. But I really want my own.

“Either way, it’s going to hurt because my dad met all his grandchildren. And if I have a child, he wouldn’t be able to meet him or her. My dad passed away last year from the coronavirus. It was the day after my birthday. What’s crazy is my mom has a lot of heart and health problems. She caught the coronavirus and fought it off like within two weeks. But it killed my dad within 21 days.

“He was in the penitentiary for about 20 years of my life. He was out only two years before he passed. It was hard because we couldn’t wait for him to get out. When he finally did, we all celebrated with him. He was getting to enjoy life and do the dad thing again.

“My parents had separated when I was 12. All my brothers went with my dad, and the girls and I went with my mom. I was raised with the girls.

“When I was a child, my mom realized that I was gay. And she was like, it’s OK. I feel like she raised me as a female. She acted like I was a girl in a little boy’s body. She was like, if that’s how you feel, and if you want to wear dresses or whatever, then go ahead.

“I love that little woman. She’s always been my backbone. She taught me how to stay strong. I continue to draw my strength from her.”

— Martin Caldera

(Note: Martin Caldera passed away on Dec. 6, 2021.)

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“When my dad died, he was just 41. He left behind my mom and five kids. I was the oldest at 16. The youngest was 3. The toughest part was just trying to go on with life.

“Mom was in such a state, figuring out what she was going to do. She had her high school education from a small town, and she was a very smart lady. But she had never been out there in the working world. She ended up getting remarried about a year and a half later.

“That was really hard for me and my brothers. All our family traditions were kind of turned upside down. He was a whole different kind of man. He was a truck driver. But he was a good man. He was good to my mom.

“Looking back on it all, I think one of the worst parts for me was that she wouldn’t even talk about what happened. I had nobody to talk to. Nowadays, there is plenty of help for people in that regard. But back then, you were expected to just get over it and move on.

“Well, I think it’s played out all through my life. I was kind of a loner. I was insecure about relationships. Never had a counselor to help me. Although I did at one point go through depression, and spent two weeks in the hospital. They never really broached the subject too much with me. I think I still deal with it. Probably every day, something enters my mind about it.

“One of my brothers got involved with hard drugs. He died of an overdose at 36. It just seemed like he never could get his life back together.

“My other brother battled alcoholism. He and I were separated by that for many years. He’s 71 now, and has been in recovery with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous. Through his AA work, he has helped so many other people with their struggles. It might sound strange, but you almost feel like it was his purpose in life.

“I live close to him now. And I’m happy to say that we see each other nearly every day.”

— Eugene Harrott

(Note: Eugene Harrott passed away on May 27, 2023.)

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• 60 years later, he still misses his dad

The post Dad’s death has lasting impact on children appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I will never, ever, ever forget that night.

“My dad was working for the old Houston Post. He was circulation manager for the La Porte area, where we lived. We did a lot of things together, including deliver the newspaper.

“I was supposed to go with him that night to pick up papers. But I’d had a date, so he decided to let me sleep. When he got back, we were going to do it together.

“When the police came knocking on our door, it woke up my mother and me. They said that Dad had been in an accident. Something was misread on the paperwork about another person possibly being in the car. At first, they thought it might be me. Everybody around there knew us, and that we delivered papers.

“The officers took me down to the police station. That’s where they broke the news to me. Dad was driving across some railroad tracks when he got hit by a freight train. He was killed.

“There were no warning lights at the crossing. It was a cold winter night, so his windows were up. He may have been listening to the radio. I guess by the time he saw or heard the train, it was too late.

“The hardest thing was that I had to go back home and tell my mom. When I walked in the door, she knew. She screamed so loud and so long that it lives in my mind to this day. Basically, she went into shock. I’m not sure she was really herself for a year after that.

“I was 16 at the time, and I’m 77 now. It was a long time ago. But that memory, it’s as if it happened yesterday.

“My dad and I were very close. He was my best friend, my partner, so to speak. So when he died, it was really tough on me. To be honest, I’m not sure I ever got over it.”

— Eugene Harrott

(Note: Eugene Harrott passed away on May 27, 2023.)

Related:

• Dad’s death has lasting impact on children

The post 60 years later, he still misses his dad appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I see the question all the time: what do you want to be when you grow up? But I tell my son, that’s the wrong question. It should be: what do you want to be now? Your mind is going to keep changing as you get older. So it’s best if you try different things and experience as much as you can as you’re growing up.

“My parents were very encouraging like that with me. So I try to be the same way with my son. He runs triathlons. He does taekwondo. He plays music. He creates videos with Legos. He likes wildlife photography. So we’ve gone to Yellowstone, Colorado, New Mexico, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, Mexico, all over, and he takes pictures along the way.

“He’s always reading and writing on these road trips. And he loves writing stories. He kept at it until one day he said that he’d actually like to write a book.’ I told him, ‘If you do, I’ll help promote it.’ He started the book before the pandemic, and he finished it last year. I helped with editing, and we hired an illustrator. The book came out in April. It’s called, ‘The Prophecy of Three.’

“I’m so proud of him. I asked him, ‘Do you know how old I was when I wrote my first book?’ He said, ‘How old, 50 or 60?’ I said, ‘No, baby, I never wrote a book.’ So it’s quite an accomplishment.

“He writes for fun, and he’s really into it. But tomorrow it could be something else, which I think is great. I want him to do whatever interests him. I don’t try to influence him.

“I don’t know what he’ll end up doing in life. But for now, whatever he wants to do, I just try to be supportive and show him the way. He keeps suprising me. I hope he stays that way. I hope he keeps on surprising me with the path that he chooses for himself.”

— Armando Toledo

Ozzie Toledo, 12, is entering seventh grade at Cedar Bayou Junior School. His book is available on Barnes and Noble. The illustrator, Zach Zellars, is also from Baytown.

The post Young writer gets lots of encouragement from dad appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“It’s a 1966 Impala. My great-granddad, who lived in Waco at the time, drove to Dallas and bought it from Johnson Chevrolet at the end of 1965. He went up there to buy a Caprice, which was more of a luxury car. But when he saw this, he fell in love with the muscle.

“He wanted to keep the miles off the engine driving it back home, so he paid to have it towed. The whole family was excited about the brand new car. It was like a parade coming home. Everybody was there. It was their first major car because back then, it was all trucks for farm use.

“When great-granddad died, he passed it along to my granddad. Then granddad passed it to my father. Now I’ve got it. Everything on this car is original except the battery and engine. I still have the original engine at the house. It’s a 283, and it runs fine. I just like to go faster, so we put a 396 in there. It moves pretty quick.

“The family drove this car until the late 70s. Then it just got parked in the garage, and nobody touched it. I started spending a lot more time with granddad when I was in college. I rebuilt the engine, the original 283 inside his garage, and got it running again. It’s been going ever since.

“It’s priceless. Had a guy offer $45,000 for it a few weeks ago. Sorry. You can’t put a price on my whole family having been in this car. It’s a beautiful thing.

“There’s a song by Lee Brice, ‘I Drive Your Truck,’ about driving around after his dad passes. It’s about reminiscing on certain things. And that’s how this is for me. When I drive it, I can feel them sitting right next to me. When I go around corners, I’ve got my granddad yelling at me and my dad cheering me on. It just feels good.

“My wife is pregnant now. This will be our first. Don’t know yet if it’s a boy or girl. But when our child is old enough, this will be the car that he or she uses to learn how to drive. Keep that family tradition going. Can’t wait.”

— Tyler Huber

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“My dad is from a family of 12 in Matamoros, Mexico. There were six women and six men. But my grandpa would always bring my father to go cut grass, track cows, trench out ditches — anything that had to do with the ranch. Sun up to sun down. Through the years, he came to realize that my grandpa was teaching him the value of hard work. If you have nothing else, you know you can always go to work and make things happen.

“My father has been involved in construction for years. He’s gone from industrial to commercial, wherever the work takes him. He’s always been a hands-on, hard-working man. If he doesn’t know how to do something, he learns. That’s something he’s passed on to me. He says, ‘Son, you’ve got to be wise. You’ve got your hands and your feet, and you’re smart. Try it. If it doesn’t work out, just relax, take a second look, and find a different way to try again.’

“In Spanish he says, ‘No pasa nada,’ which means ‘nothing happens.’ That’s a good way to approach life, whether it’s how to do something at work or how to interact with others. Sometimes you run into difficult people. But you’ve got to find a constructive way to speak to them and work with them. If one way doesn’t work, no sweat. No pasa nada. Think of a different way to handle the situation and try again.

“I’ve learned so much from my dad, just like he learned from his father. I love my last name. I just want to make a difference, like he has, and honor my family legacy.”

— Louis Soria

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