“Growing up, there was a lot of chaos and turmoil in my home. I had two drug-addicted parents. And when I was 8, my mom started dealing drugs. People were coming and going. There were a lot of unsafe activities. There was alcohol. There was physical and other abuse. It was just an insanely unhealthy situation.

“But I was determined to have a good life. Whether they were passed out on the couch or whatever, it wasn’t going to affect my day. I kind of had to be the sun, moon and stars for myself. I had to be the author of my own life. I realized that if I didn’t make happiness for myself, then I’d be sitting in my room crying and miserable all the time.

“I tried my best to self-isolate or disassociate. I was doing a lot of escapism. I loved anything fantasy. I was a really smart kid, and I loved reading books. I loved writing stories. I also rode my bike a lot. Whatever it took to make sure I had a good time, despite what was going on around me. My sister was several years older, but she wasn’t really hands on with me. So I was pretty independent.

“When I was nearly 12, my mom seemed ready to stop doing drugs and turn over a new leaf. That was great. I was happy for her. But then she had herself a last hurrah, and she overdosed. She didn’t make it. I was devastated. Despite everything that had been going on for years, I loved my mom very much. Even though she was not awesome to me, I still thought the world of her. I was the kind of person who tried to make everything seem better than it really was.

“A few days after the funeral, without my knowledge, my father signed over his rights to me to my grandfather. And he left, just took off. I was pretty upset. I thought for sure that my mom’s death was going to be his wake-up call. That we were going to be OK. We were going to try to be normal people now. But that wasn’t the case.

Turning to drugs

“After I started living with my grandparents, my grandmother had a big stroke. I was helping take care of her. And because of my mom’s death, they all told me that she shouldn’t be under any more stress. So I was never really able to grieve. I had to swallow all that. I was so angry and lonely. It’s no excuse, but it’s kind of what led me down the path of doing drugs to numb those feelings

“As a high school freshman, I was falling off badly. I couldn’t see how anything was worth being sober for. I was doing any substance I could get my hands on. I was really addicted to certain prescription pills in my high school years. I wasn’t going to class. I was way behind on my credits. By my senior year, they put me in alternative school. The principal was like, ‘You need to get this under control.’ And I did buckle down and even finished early. You couldn’t tell me a damn thing. I was still on drugs, and I felt like a million bucks. I felt unstoppable

“I decided to do graduation huge. So I got a hotel room and stayed there for about three months. All my friends were with me. It was always a party. But when the end of summer came, everyone left.

“My lowest point came while lying on the hotel room bed after taking I don’t even know how many pills. I told myself if I overdosed that night, it wouldn’t even matter. Maybe I’d go where my mom went, and I wouldn’t hurt anymore. I started feeling like my heart was slowing down, and then I kind of faded. I was so accepting of, ‘I’m dying.’ But I woke up the next morning. And the heartbreak that I felt, realizing that I hadn’t died, was unbelievably heavy. I wanted to hang myself.

“Then I started thinking about when I was a kid, how I told myself that if nobody ever made the happiness, it was up to me. I felt that I’d let myself down because I hadn’t made any happiness for myself in a really long time. That’s when I decided to leave the hotel room, go home to my grandparents, and start making some changes.

‘These kids are awesome’

“At 18, I began a relationship with my now husband, Kory. We’d been best friends forever. We had our ups and downs, and when I was 20, I had a miscarriage. I’d told myself if I ever got the chance to be a mom, I’d make sure I had a normal family. So that rocked me really hard. It left me heartbroken.

“A few months after that, I got pregnant again, and we had our first biological son together. That put everything into perspective. Feeling the love of a child and for a child was groundbreaking. When he was about 9 months old, I learned that I was pregnant again. And I started to feel this dread. What if I can’t love this new child as much as my other one? I thought my love for my first son and my older stepson was enough.

“Then one day I told myself, this is going to be my mom’s baby. Even though my mom was very tan, my older sister had blue eyes and almost blonde hair, light skin. They told her, whenever you have a second child, it’s probably going to be a boy. She started fantasizing about having this angelic, blue-eyed, almost blonde-haired, light-complected little boy. Then here I come with tan skin, brown eyes, dark hair. Anyway, I told my husband that this was going to be my mom’s baby. I was sure it was going to be a boy with blue eyes. I woke up the next day with this sense of knowing, this peace. And sure enough, he was born exactly how I pictured.

“These kids are awesome. Our oldest will be 14 in February. Our middle son just turned 9 and our youngest is 7. I love all my children, but the youngest definitely holds a special place in my heart. He reminds me so much of my mom.

“Even though life was extremely difficult when I was young, with my mom on drugs and not always around, I loved her very much. So with my youngest, I’ve always had this sense of familiarity that I felt for my mom. Maybe I just dreamed the whole thing up. But I’ll embrace it. I feel like I deserve every single bit of magic there is.

Unwelcome health scares

“Four years ago, my husband was driving us home from Austin, and I started to feel weird. I was getting a headache, and my vision was getting fuzzy. I didn’t want to overreact. I was going to try to sleep the rest of the way.

“When we got home, I sluggishly walked into the house and basically passed out on my bed. I woke up the next day, opened my eyes, and there’s this big blind spot in my vision. I still had this splitting headache. And I’m like, what the hell is happening? I spent a lot of time with my grandmother after several strokes. I saw the symptoms present in her, but nothing like this. So I immediately put stroke out of my head.

“I was in the hospital a week, doing every test possible. They didn’t know what was going on. Until I got the CT scans back. Guess what? I had a damn stroke. I was beside myself. Here I was, 26 years old, and I’m like, what the hell? They have to give me medicine to calm me down.

“Then they do an ultrasound, and they find out that I have a hole in my heart. In rare cases, it can send a blood clot to your brain and cause a stroke. And I’m like, this cannot be happening to me. Haven’t I had enough bullshit in my life?

“I had been doing everything right around that time. I was hiking with my kids, eating right, drinking plenty of water. I was angry about the whole thing. It seemed so unfair. I’d been through so much already in my life, so I didn’t want anymore. Like, whoever has my voodoo doll, you can stop now.

“It happened during COVID. So I couldn’t have visitors. I was losing my mind because I’m away from my kids, my babies, who are extremely attached to me. I felt very isolated and stressed out. I had all these breakdowns, but then I started having breakthroughs. I was like, OK, I’m going to come out of here bigger and better. Nothing can stop me. I’m actually a tsunami. And it was because of my love for plants and gardening. I had big ideas that I was determined to make happen.

Gardening therapy

“Before my stroke, I had discovered a love for gardening. I found solace in plants, a purpose and sense of reward. I started collecting succulents, and I was having a whole lot of fun with it. It was very therapeutic. I was making breakthroughs without having to go to a therapist.

“I started to sell a few plants here and there through social media. Then I decided that I was going to make it into a little side business. It would allow me to stay flexible with the kids and do something for myself. So I set up a plant page on Instagram.

“Our family has deep roots in Baytown, and I wanted to find a way to connect with my community. I wanted everyone to love plants and gardening as much as I do. While I was in the hospital, I started focusing on what I’d do when I got out. I had this extensive knowledge from researching and working with these plants. And I’m like, I could teach people all about it. That’s what I’m going to do.

“Since then, I’ve done a lot. I’ve taught plant classes for little kids at daycares. I was blessed with an opportunity to work with students at an elementary school in La Porte. I’ve done countless classes for adults. I’m a regular at Baytown’s farmers market, and I plan to start going to the one in Mont Belvieu. It’s all about succulents. And I’m having a blast. Hopefully, making a difference in people’s lives.

“Looking back on everything that’s happened in my life, where I’ve been and where I am now, I feel this overwhelming sense of happiness, this sense of magic. Just knowing that I can do whatever I want to do. Overcoming adversity in every possible way. From drug-addicted parents to being a drug addict myself, to having a stroke, and permanently losing some of my vision. To having a husband, kids, and being able to be a loving person despite what I’ve gone through. I’ve never let anything stop me from doing what I want.

“I’m going to write a book about my life one day. It’s going to be fantastic. Just watch. I can’t wait.”

— Felicia Garcia

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“My parents got divorced when I was about 4 years old. My dad moved to Northwest Houston, but I got to see him a lot. We’d do the weekend thing, and he came to all my games and events.

“When I got my first house, he’d come around all the time. Wanted to know if I was OK. I’m an only child, so my mom and dad always watched out for me.

“Over time, my dad’s health got really bad. He started having eye problems. They told him he had diabetes. He developed kidney issues, so he went on dialysis. We ended up moving in together, and got some help in taking care of him. His vision kept getting worse until he totally lost his sight. It was very frustrating because he was used to being independent.

“One thing he always enjoyed was traveling. Even after losing his sight, he’d want me to drop him off at the bus station downtown. I’d walk him in and make sure he got assistance. He’d go to Dallas. He’d go to Shreveport. He’d visit my cousins in Tyler. He loved being on the road and going to visit people.

“One Christmas about five years ago, I was thinking about something to do. My dad had always wanted to go to New York City. Southwest Airlines had a special, so I set it up. We went to the Statue of Liberty. We went to Times Square. And we went to hear Aretha Franklin at Radio City Music Hall. He was super surprised. It was a great all-around trip.

“The one trip I regret not taking with him was to Mount Rushmore. He wanted to go but I was working a lot then, and I told myself, ‘You’ve got time.’ But my dad died in July 2020.

“My mom is still alive and well. We have something called date night. We’ll go out to eat, or one of us will cook, or I’ll bring some food. We’ll watch a movie or TV show, then I’ll go home. Mom likes to tell people, ‘I get my son on Tuesdays. No matter what.’

“A lot of people wish they would have spent more time with their parents. After they’re gone, they regret not having changed their schedules to make it happen.

“I’ve kept one of my dad’s voicemails. He’s telling me, ‘Hey, I hope you had a great day.’ And that he loves me. I listen to it every once in a while. It’s nice to hear that voice. It helps keep his memory alive.”

— David Battise

David continues traveling on his own and with friends. “I’ve met a lot of cool people that I’m close with to this day, almost like family. Some people see all my trip photos on Facebook and say, ‘Hey, do you ever work? I want your job.’ I decided that life’s too short. You’re never sure when you’re going to leave this place. So if you want to go somewhere, you need to take the time to do it.”

The post Only son savors time with his parents appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“My mom and dad had 11 kids. I’m the baby. I’m 38 years old. I’m single. I’m homosexual. And I’m the only one who doesn’t have any kids. Altogether, there are like 65 grandchildren.

“I fight a depression sometimes because I feel like I’m missing out on parenthood. I do have this freedom. But I’m also jealous because they have kids. It’s kind of weird.

“I love all my nieces and nephews. I’m even a great uncle. I have a great niece who is almost 20 years old. But I don’t have any biological children. That’s something that I want to kind of do before I turn 40. I’ve really been thinking about it, like having one naturally with a female. Or I could donate to a couple. But I really want my own.

“Either way, it’s going to hurt because my dad met all his grandchildren. And if I have a child, he wouldn’t be able to meet him or her. My dad passed away last year from the coronavirus. It was the day after my birthday. What’s crazy is my mom has a lot of heart and health problems. She caught the coronavirus and fought it off like within two weeks. But it killed my dad within 21 days.

“He was in the penitentiary for about 20 years of my life. He was out only two years before he passed. It was hard because we couldn’t wait for him to get out. When he finally did, we all celebrated with him. He was getting to enjoy life and do the dad thing again.

“My parents had separated when I was 12. All my brothers went with my dad, and the girls and I went with my mom. I was raised with the girls.

“When I was a child, my mom realized that I was gay. And she was like, it’s OK. I feel like she raised me as a female. She acted like I was a girl in a little boy’s body. She was like, if that’s how you feel, and if you want to wear dresses or whatever, then go ahead.

“I love that little woman. She’s always been my backbone. She taught me how to stay strong. I continue to draw my strength from her.”

— Martin Caldera

(Note: Martin Caldera passed away on Dec. 6, 2021.)

The post ‘I feel like I’m missing out on parenthood’ appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I will never, ever, ever forget that night.

“My dad was working for the old Houston Post. He was circulation manager for the La Porte area, where we lived. We did a lot of things together, including deliver the newspaper.

“I was supposed to go with him that night to pick up papers. But I’d had a date, so he decided to let me sleep. When he got back, we were going to do it together.

“When the police came knocking on our door, it woke up my mother and me. They said that Dad had been in an accident. Something was misread on the paperwork about another person possibly being in the car. At first, they thought it might be me. Everybody around there knew us, and that we delivered papers.

“The officers took me down to the police station. That’s where they broke the news to me. Dad was driving across some railroad tracks when he got hit by a freight train. He was killed.

“There were no warning lights at the crossing. It was a cold winter night, so his windows were up. He may have been listening to the radio. I guess by the time he saw or heard the train, it was too late.

“The hardest thing was that I had to go back home and tell my mom. When I walked in the door, she knew. She screamed so loud and so long that it lives in my mind to this day. Basically, she went into shock. I’m not sure she was really herself for a year after that.

“I was 16 at the time, and I’m 77 now. It was a long time ago. But that memory, it’s as if it happened yesterday.

“My dad and I were very close. He was my best friend, my partner, so to speak. So when he died, it was really tough on me. To be honest, I’m not sure I ever got over it.”

— Eugene Harrott

(Note: Eugene Harrott passed away on May 27, 2023.)

Related:

• Dad’s death has lasting impact on children

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“The other night we went to dinner at Floyd’s. When we walk into places, we tend to catch the eyes of others. It doesn’t bother me. I can imagine they are worried that all these kids will be disruptive.

“When we got seated, I looked around and noticed a woman sitting alone at the table across from us. I immediately thought, ‘Great, we are going to ruin her quiet dinner!’ I gave her a reassuring smile. And luckily, all the kids were their normal, mostly well-behaved selves.

“When the woman got up to leave, we made eye contact and I smiled again. I was so happy that she made it through her dinner without a child having a meltdown.

“A minute later, the hostess brought me this letter, and the waiter walked up with these desserts. I ran outside and caught the woman. We hugged and both cried. She told me how much of a blessing we were to her. It made me realize that just being in the presence of people is such a blessing.

“I’m so proud of my children and the way my husband and I have raised them. They aren’t always perfect, but they sure come freaking close.”

— Stephanie Jones

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“When the initial shutdown began in mid-March, I was seven months pregnant, and my sister was due to deliver her first baby any day. It was a time full of excitement, of course, but also a lot of uncertainty — the uncertainty of what was going on with my body and the baby inside, and the uncertainty of the virus.

“My biggest concern was to do whatever was necessary to keep my newborn niece, parents, in-laws and unborn baby safe. Luckily, my company instituted a work-from-home mandate, so I really didn’t have to go anywhere other than doctor’s appointments. My husband, Ben, went to all the appointments with me until he was no longer allowed. Even then, he would either take me or meet me in the doctor’s parking lot for support. We even FaceTimed during our final ultrasound.

“My sister also surprised us with a drive-by/Zoom baby shower. Thank goodness for technology.

“Fast-forwarding to the arrival of Nora on May 4, we couldn’t have any visitors at the hospital. But it worked out for the best because we had a chance to really bond with her.

“Although the feeling of uncertainty has never gone away — are we doing this parenting thing right? is she eating enough? what is she thinking? — Nora has brought us such happiness.

“I just feel so grateful to have had the opportunity to work from home and spend so much time with her, when I wouldn’t have been able to in a normal year.”

— Alyssa Linares Reilly

The post First-time mom performs balancing act in pandemic appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“When my husband and I walked into labor and delivery, I knew our lives were about to change forever. But I had no idea the world would be shut down when we left the hospital with our girl.

“Sloane Pepper was born on March 16 and has quarantined with us ever since.

“As if becoming a first-time parent isn’t scary enough, we now had to raise her during a global pandemic. Not being able to invite people to meet her, worrying about access to, and inventory of, newborn-essential items, and the fear of getting sick were all daily, emotional challenges. All of this on top of adjusting to being a mom: Is she eating enough? Why won’t she nap? Why is she napping so long? What day is it?

“The silver lining of it all was the amount of uninterrupted quality time we got to spend together as a new family. Watching Sloane grow has been the highlight of our lives. I’m selfishly glad we got to keep her to ourselves for so long.

“She has met only a handful of people, and we’re not sure what the new normal holds. But I know the sacrifices we’ve made and continue to make during this pandemic, albeit challenging, will ensure she will have a healthy, happy future when the virus is in the rear view.

“As I reflect on the last nine months of parenting in a pandemic, I feel extremely fortunate for our health and proud I provided our extended family and friends a bright spot in the year 2020.”

— Leah Linares Abbate

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While keeping an eye on his adventurous 2-year-old daughter as she climbed the playground equipment, this young dad reflected on his career and family life.

“I work as a nurse in the ICU. Since we have a lot more sicker patients there, it can be a little intense at times. But you get used to it, and you just care for them the best you know how. When I’m not working, I like hanging out with my daughter. She has a pretty good imagination. She likes to pretend to dance and sing. She probably gets that from her mom. I would say my biggest challenge is adapting to being a parent. It can be pretty challenging at times. The hardest part is just trying to balance everything and making time for the important stuff. I think we’re doing OK so far. We just want her to grow up and do what she wants to do in life.”

— Tim Bui

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“I’m a first-generation Mexican-American. My parents migrated here when they were teens for a better life, better job opportunities. It really worked out well for them. My mom works for a veterinarian and my dad works construction, installing ceramic floor tiles, carpets, that kind of thing. He has his own business. I have an older brother, and he’s working with my dad.

“I understand President Trump’s policy ideas. I know where he’s coming from. But I sometimes find myself between a rock and a hard spot. I know there are some people breaking certain laws in the U.S., and you have to obey them. But then again, back where my roots are, it’s rough over there. Not many people are willing to stand up and overthrow the government. So they have to find a better route, for them and their families.”

— Francisco Acuna

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“I’m the first one in my family to go to college. My parents are proud. They always tell me, ‘You have to get your education. You have to do something with your life.’ And I feel responsible. I feel like I owe that to them. They don’t have any Social Security or 401k. So once they get older, I’m the one who’s going to be helping them out. That’s very important to me. That’s one of the main reasons I’m doing this. I guess there’s a little pressure. But that just motivates me. 

“I didn’t take any student loans. My parents helped me out first semester. After that, I put my college education to the side and started working. I kept myself away from going out to certain places and having fun, or buying certain material things. I focused on stacking up my money to pay for school. And now I have enough money to not worry about bills and just focus on school.

“It wasn’t always easy getting to this point. During my teens, living in low-income, poverty-type places, you see and experience a lot of things. There were friends, people around me, just doing bad stuff and having to face horrible consequences with no way to turn back. But some people realize they don’t want that for themselves. They want to change. That was me. I guess I was blessed to learn from other people’s mistakes.”

— Francisco Acuna

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