“When you go into the military, you have this illusion that you can have it all. You can have a family. You can serve your country. You can have an amazing, fulfilling career. You know it will come with sacrifices. But you don’t know exactly what that will entail. For me, the life lesson was just how big the sacrifice truly was. I don’t regret my time in the military at all. I benefited greatly from it. But it does put strains on relationships. And bonds are broken as well, between a mother and child, or a father and his children. That’s something I’m still rebuilding, even after being out since 2013. I’m still repairing my relationship with my daughters.”

— Erica Salazar

Erica served as an intelligence analyst in the Army. She was deployed twice to Afghanistan, once as a soldier and later as a civilian contractor. While a student at New Jersey City University, she wrote the following Veterans Day piece for the student newspaper detailing her experiences as a wife and mother in the military. 

While the support and recognition of female veterans is gradually increasing, it is our dual role as a mother that is often overlooked. Although humbled by free meals and appreciation, Veterans Day is a time when I truly feel the impact of the eight years that I balanced active duty military life with motherhood.

I first became a mother on May 3, 2007, while stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas. Alone, at just 20 years old, I gave birth to my first child, whose father was deployed as part of the Baghdad Surge. Struggling through marital issues due to our long-term separation, as well as suffering from postpartum depression, those 12 months of raising my daughter alone laid the foundation for my resilience as a soldier and a mother. Three years later, this resiliency was tested as I faced my first deployment to Afghanistan.

In 2010, the 2D Stryker Cavalry Regiment out of Germany was ordered to deploy to Southern Afghanistan as part of Operation Enduring Freedom. Four months after giving birth to fraternal twins, Bella and Kloie, I found myself faced with the reality of war. As an intelligence analyst, I understood that my role was vital to the mission, and so I enacted my family care plan in order to deploy. While not ideal, I was forced to separate my children between families in Texas and Louisiana so that both their father and I could fulfill our deployment duties.

As part of the operations cell in Afghanistan, I was responsible for relaying real-time intelligence data and directing unmanned aerial vehicles over enemy targets and locations. In a day’s work, I went from creating intelligence briefs to assisting bombing missions against improvised explosive devices (which were attempts at destroying our convoys). What was once a grieving mother longing to hold her three babies, evolved into a hardened soldier. 

I found myself becoming distant from my own children. The long hours and emotions from a day in Afghanistan were hard to relinquish, so I thought it best to keep communication with my children to a minimum. Unfortunately, no one trains a female soldier on how to balance motherhood and active duty life. Most of all, no one warns you on how to cope with motherhood after a deployment.

The day I came home from Afghanistan, I had to bribe my 1-year-old twins with Oreos so that they would stop crying at the sight of this stranger in camouflage. I was their mother and yet, they had no idea who I was and how to feel about me. This took a toll on me emotionally as I tried to repair our broken bond. 

The deployment not only affected my relationship with my children, but it also took a toll on an already fragile marriage due to both of us developing post-traumatic stress disorder. In 2013, after years of mental and physical abuse, I divorced my ex-husband and exited the military. Lacking financial help, I made the difficult decision to leave my children once again and deploy for a second time to Afghanistan as a civilian contractor. A committed veteran and mother, I chose to simultaneously support my children and defend my country to the best of my ability.

The hard choices I made and the sacrifices my family has endured are experiences shared by many of my female battle buddies. On Veterans Day, we not only reflect upon our combat experience but also the war we fought in our own homes: the times our children didn’t remember us, the broken relationships, and the abuse resulting from war. 

As the backbone of the family, a female veteran carries the weight of war and motherhood. Yet, she will never regret her years of service to her country, for they made her resilient in the face of any obstacle pitted against her.

Related:

• ‘Honestly, I feel like nothing can break me’

• A voice for women who endure abuse in the military

The post Mom rebuilding relationships after military career appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I was in the oil business, running 130 barrels. But when everything took a dive and oil rigs started shutting down, a lot of people got laid off. I came down here to work.

“I have three kids and a wife back home. The younger ones are in private school and my oldest son and wife are in college, so I had to find something pretty quick. Right now, we’re just trying to hold on to what we’ve got.

“I’m a real family man, so the hardest part is being away from them. I hate missing the kids growing up. This past school year alone, I missed so many games, track meets and all of that. And, of course, I miss my wife something terrible.

“I’m so proud of her. She went back to school after 25 years and just got accepted into a nursing program. When she gets through that in a couple more years, then I’ll head back up there and probably get a driving job.

“There will be a day when this is over and we’ll all be together again. Until then, if you want something a little better for your family, you’re going to have to work for it. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices so you can take care of those that you love.”

— Owen Shipp

The post He’s making sacrifices for those he loves appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“My husband works out of town, which has been a little hard on my son. His dad is in Colorado right now and has been gone off and on since August. But it’s good because we’re getting our bills paid, you know? I also miss him, but I know he’s doing this for the family. He’s sacrificing a lot, too, not being with us.”

Related:

• She has to relearn how to interact with people

The post He’s working hard to keep those bills paid appeared first on The Baytown Project.