“Drugs, alcoholism, domestic violence — all of that was in our life growing up.

“My dad was a salesman. He made a lot of money, but he spent it on alcohol and drugs. He beat my mom often. They ended up splitting up.

“My mom worked in bars. That’s where I spent a lot of time at an early age. Some of her friends had boys who were 4-5 years older than me. They would leave them there to babysit me, so they could go out to drink, chase men, and chase that dream of being loved. Often, those boys would molest me when nobody knew. I didn’t tell my mom until I was a little bit older.

“My childhood consisted of rape, molestation, beatings and bruises. It was really, really hell. How I handled it was by being a bully. I beat up my brother often. I’ve asked for his forgiveness, but that’s something I’ve got to live with.

“I was the oldest of my mom’s four kids, and I had to take care of the others. That’s where the bullying came out. I had to act like a parent long before becoming a parent. I started at 9 years old, changing my twin brother and sister’s diapers. I was beaten because I wanted to go outside and play. The boyfriend wanted me to stay in there taking care of the children, while my mom was at work. She was always on that search for being loved by somebody. But she searched for it in the wrong places, and we all suffered because of it.

“There were a lot of secrets in our home. My mom would be like, ‘You can’t tell this person this’ or ‘You can’t do that.’ I went to my grandfather once when I was about 12, and I just balled my eyes out. I told him the type of hell that I was living. But he said that was not to leave the house. It was to stay within our four walls.

“There were a lot of things that were hidden. I found myself feeling that I was to be hidden, too. I began hiding from my own self. It was like, who you are should not be seen. I functioned like that all the way until I left my mom’s house when I was 19.”

— Rebekah Mansker

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“It began in college. I had a class called Sex and Gender in Latin America. It was talking about the machismo culture and what women in those countries are going through, not really being protected or having a voice for themselves. I remember reading these books and sitting in class discussions, and I was like, it sounds a lot like the environment in the military.

“A lot of people don’t realize what motherhood in the military is like. We don’t catch a break. When we go to work and we come back, we’re still working at home. We don’t have anybody to pick up the slack. There are a lot of amazing military wives, and I give them kudos. They help get their husbands through that time. But we, on the other hand, are mother and soldier.

“One of my battle buddies went to Afghanistan and almost had her children taken away from her for abandonment because she went to war. So what you’re saying is that a man can go fight for his country and leave his children with his wife. But when it’s the mother … It’s like, where’s the respect and the voice for that person? 

“It’s also no secret that there’s a lot of sexual trauma and domestic abuse going on in the military. There is some progress being made. They’re taking measures to try to alleviate it. But it’s still happening way too often.

“I’ve been collecting stories from women soldiers who have been brave enough to share what they’ve been through. My goal is to put them together in a book to provide a better understanding of what’s really going on, and to offer some insight and empathy for women in the military.

“We’re not just dealing with the effects of war. We also have a fight within the fight. We want to trust the men to our left and right. But they’re hurting us, too. I’m not saying that everybody does this. But there’s still an epidemic. It’s just this sad thing.” 

— Erica Salazar

Erica served as an intelligence analyst in the Army. She was deployed twice to Afghanistan, once as a soldier and later as a civilian contractor.

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“I was molested when I was a kid, from age 2 to 9, the whole time by my mother’s boyfriend. She had no idea. When she found out, it was over. Never saw him again. Decided not to press charges. She didn’t want to put me through all that. Going through the court system, with a trial and everything, would have been horrific. So she made the decision, which I’m very comfortable with now.

“I went to therapy immediately. I don’t know if I’m just really good at compartmentalizing things. But after a while, the therapist told my mom that I was OK. And I did feel fine. But because of that experience, sex has always been kind of weird to me. Like, I have issues with sex. Part of it just grossed me out. And I’m like, that’s not normal. So my whole life, I’ve been in and out of therapy trying to deal with that. I’ve been in therapy maybe 10 times, and the goal is always to resolve that issue. Because thinking sex is disgusting is not normal, and I would like to be a little more normal.

“Well, every time I do therapy, at some point we start talking about my weight. And I get that. Yes, I was abused. Yes, I didn’t want anybody to ever touch me again. So subconsciously, that’s most likely why I put on all this weight, to protect myself. We don’t want anybody to touch us. So we get big and gross to protect ourselves. I’ve seen and read a lot about it. It happens to a lot of people. So I get that. At some point, we have to deal with my weight. But we never get back to the sex being disgusting. And that irritates me. That’s why I keep going back to therapy, to try to get that part resolved. That’s always what I’m there to fix, but it never gets fixed.”

— Sheena Gordon

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The post Sexual abuse as child continues to haunt her appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“It’s kind of hard to say. What happened to me when I was a little kid, when I was 7 … I got molested by my neighbors. Ever since, it sparked a fear of men.

“Growing up, when your parents are strict — not mean, but strict — you think, oh, I must have done something bad. So you don’t want to say anything or tell anybody. And you don’t. You just go on thinking, what did I do wrong? Why did that happen? Why was that necessary? Who’s someone safe to talk to and who isn’t? It took a long time for me to finally realize that it wasn’t my fault. Sadly, it took me until very recently.

“And it doesn’t matter how safe you feel you are, because it happened to me again. You try to be safe. You try to be careful. You calculate and you calculate. But when that moment happens, you’re at a loss. All this stuff that you wrote down in your mind goes out your ear, rolls down your shoulder and onto the floor. And you’re just kind of stuck.

“I think it’s important to mention what happened. I think it’s good for people to talk about this issue, to bring more awareness to it. Because a lot of times, this kind of assault is by family members, relatives. I have friends who had that happen to them by uncles and cousins. Parents need to realize that sometimes even your own family could be dangerous.

“More people need to believe their daughters and their sons when they speak up. Believe them when they say it’s their uncle. Believe them when they say it’s their neighbor who always comes out and talks to their father with this big smile and everything. Please take care of your daughters and your sons. Keep an eye on everybody. And always ask when your child is angry or too sad. Because I grew up sad.”

— Andrea Alvarado

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“Then one day at a bus stop, I got held up at gunpoint and was attacked. I ran back home, and they never found out who did it.

“A few years later when I was 24, I was in my own home getting ready for work. My son was about 14 months old. And this guy breaks into my house and rapes me. I was an art major in college, so I was able to draw a composite. He tried coming back to my house a couple of days later to grab my trash, probably to go through it looking for my name. My husband at the time saw the license plate, which helped track down the guy.

The post Molestation, rape victim has overcome appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I’ve gone through some stuff people shouldn’t have to go through. I was abused for six years by my uncle and my cousins. The hardest thing about it was that I didn’t understand why I was the one getting hurt. Like why did they choose to hurt me?

“But I believe it made me a stronger person. If I hadn’t gone through those things, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be so strong. I wouldn’t be so supportive and loyal and caring of other people. I’d be like a normal teenager, stuck up, wanting the world like we deserve everything. That’s how a lot of teenagers are. They just haven’t had their eyes opened yet. They haven’t experienced something that kind of knocks them on their ass and tells them, hey, that’s not how the world works.

“Because of all the things I went through, I like to help people and support them when they’re going through tough times. I’ve realized that the smallest thing, like simple words of kindness, can mean so much. If you see someone in pain or struggling, ask them how you can help. Or better yet, don’t ask, just do it.

“I give out my number to friends who are going through tough things and I know are self-harming or thinking about suicide. I’ve been able to stop four friends from committing suicide. I guess I just have a knack for it.”

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The post She supports others going through tough times appeared first on The Baytown Project.

“I’ve done a lot of volunteer work: homeless shelters, soup kitchens, all sorts of stuff. I worked with elderly people for a couple years. I’ve been involved with activities to assist kids. Just anything where I can help people.

“One day, I’d like to work as an undercover cop. Because of my experience of being abused, I’d probably go into the sexually based crimes unit. I want to be able to go in the field and help people who are going through those things that I went through.

“That’s what I’m good at. I understand it. I know what it’s like to feel scared, like you can’t tell anybody. And you worry that when you do tell someone, your life’s going to fall apart and people are going to judge you.

“The way I look at it, why go through your struggle and then not help other people through theirs?”

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