‘I had a lot of confusion about how a man should treat a woman’

“I grew up in a household where I never saw affection. Well, I saw it from one individual, the female, but not from the male. He was always too macho.

“It was a physically abusive environment. Not toward me, but the female. When I saw the abuse, it made me sad. You hear about kids stepping in, and the person stops. Or sometimes they get smacked around, too. I was too afraid to do anything. I only got hit once. But that’s all it took to wise up.

“As I got older, I got into a lot of fights. I was really wild in my teens. I was mischievous, or maybe just foolish.

“When I was 22, I met the woman who would become my wife. We started going out, and I fell in love with her. I told her I was going to make her fall in love with me. And I accomplished that. We were together for almost 20 years, married for 12. We had two kids together.

“I married her because I cared for her and loved her. But it never felt quite right inside. It was great in the beginning. But I had so much stuff bottled up from my past that I began pushing her away.

“Growing up, I didn’t see people in my family going to therapy or marriage counseling. I had a lot of confusion about how a man should treat a woman, and how to be in a relationship.

“After she left me, after our divorce, I was really sad. She found someone else and remarried. I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love again. I did, but it didn’t work out.

“Before we got married, my ex-wife and I took a class through the Catholic church. One thing the priest said was, ‘Don’t let the sun set on your anger.’ But a lot of times while we were married, I would go to bed angry. It was aimed toward my wife, but it wasn’t her fault. It was the different things I experienced growing up that were coming through. I regret my actions, and I’ve apologized to her.

“When I was a kid, I had this vision. It was of an old man, and he looked real sad. I thought that was going to be me in the future, all alone, never married, never having kids. I ended up doing both those things. And I love my kids. While it may not all have turned out as perfect as I wanted, it’s still something.”

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