‘I feel like I’m missing out on parenthood’

“My mom and dad had 11 kids. I’m the baby. I’m 38 years old. I’m single. I’m homosexual. And I’m the only one who doesn’t have any kids. Altogether, there are like 65 grandchildren.

“I fight a depression sometimes because I feel like I’m missing out on parenthood. I do have this freedom. But I’m also jealous because they have kids. It’s kind of weird.

“I love all my nieces and nephews. I’m even a great uncle. I have a great niece who is almost 20 years old. But I don’t have any biological children. That’s something that I want to kind of do before I turn 40. I’ve really been thinking about it, like having one naturally with a female. Or I could donate to a couple. But I really want my own.

“Either way, it’s going to hurt because my dad met all his grandchildren. And if I have a child, he wouldn’t be able to meet him or her. My dad passed away last year from the coronavirus. It was the day after my birthday. What’s crazy is my mom has a lot of heart and health problems. She caught the coronavirus and fought it off like within two weeks. But it killed my dad within 21 days.

“He was in the penitentiary for about 20 years of my life. He was out only two years before he passed. It was hard because we couldn’t wait for him to get out. When he finally did, we all celebrated with him. He was getting to enjoy life and do the dad thing again.

“My parents had separated when I was 12. All my brothers went with my dad, and the girls and I went with my mom. I was raised with the girls.

“When I was a child, my mom realized that I was gay. And she was like, it’s OK. I feel like she raised me as a female. She acted like I was a girl in a little boy’s body. She was like, if that’s how you feel, and if you want to wear dresses or whatever, then go ahead.

“I love that little woman. She’s always been my backbone. She taught me how to stay strong. I continue to draw my strength from her.”

— Martin Caldera

(Note: Martin Caldera passed away on Dec. 6, 2021.)