Not knowing his dad leads to anger issues
“When I was 11, my aunt told me that the man I always thought was my dad was not my real dad. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe that a family could hold secrets like that from me.
“I went crazy. I remember screaming and yelling at my mom. I started getting more and more angry. It just kept building up inside me. I would get into fights at school. I was out of control. I was just so mad all the time.
“I was like that until I was about 22. The girl I was with at that time helped me. She kept me out of the suicide mind path that I was on. I tried hanging myself. I just got tired of life. I got tired of not getting the respect that I felt I deserved and the love from my mother that I needed.
“I’ve tried to find my biological dad. I know his name. But there are so many people out there with the same name. It got to the point where I was like, man, I don’t want to keep going through this. I don’t want to keep searching. To this day, I’ve never met him. I’m hoping that one day he might appear. One day he might show his face. Although I’m not really sure how I would react or what I would do. To me, my stepdad is my dad. He’s always going to be my dad, no matter what.
“And now I’m with someone I’ve known for 10 years. We’ve been together going on two years. She has two sons, and she’s an amazing mom. She tries her best for those boys.
“The oldest knows his dad, and he puts good effort into seeing him and being in his life. The youngest doesn’t know his dad. I tell him, hey, I know I’m not your real dad. But I’m here. If you want to look at me as your dad, I’ll try to be that for you. They both call me dad. It feels good. They’re not mine by blood. But in my eyes, they’re my sons.
“I might get mad sometimes if they’re being bad or they don’t listen. But I try to let them learn from their mistakes. I’ll say, look, I used to be just like this. So don’t do this. I want them to understand. Not just go through life, not knowing what’s right and what’s wrong.
“I’m glad I get to experience that. It’s not always pretty, not always perfect. But it’s good to be there for them. Be there and try.”
— Carlos “C-Los” Caldera Jr.
“I go by C-Los. I don’t like my name, Carlos. When someone calls me that, I’m like, where’s he at? Because it’s my biological dad’s name. If it’s true that he never put any effort into it, I don’t want to carry that name. It hurts me to have it. It makes me think every day like, who is he?”
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