‘COVID has let us know exactly how mortal we are’
“One thing I’ve learned is to never feel like everything is OK. It was March this year when the majority of extra nurses — travelers like me — were sent back home. We all thought COVID was finally settling down or somewhat over. It took just two months, and suddenly we had this big spike with the delta variant.
“This whole experience has definitely been traumatizing. I don’t ever feel like we’re safe.
“I’ve been an ICU nurse for seven years now. In the first five years of my career, I didn’t see so many people die cumulatively as I have these past two years. I’ve seen so much death.
“As nurses, we often compare our level of PTSD to soldiers on the battlefield. Although it’s a different style of fighting, we’re all striving to preserve human life. And to see so many people fall in front of you … I can’t imagine anyone going through this and not coming away scathed in some kind of way.
“Talking to other nurses, we’re all we’ve got when it comes to actually understanding what this feels like. Thankfully, the hospitals offer counseling. They give us prayers a lot of times before our shift starts. But it still feels like you’re walking into doom.
“I went through a period when after a long stretch of days off, I would have anxiety about going back. I would literally be shaking before the shift, because I never knew what was going to happen. I feel like I’ve always been someone who’s resilient when it comes to emotional stress. But this has been something totally different.
“COVID has let us know exactly how mortal we are. To see that every day, it has changed me as a person.”
— Kelvin Gray
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